I have the bestestest girlfriend eva! It has been far too long since she and I have been able to enjoy a date night alone together. But now that I’ve been working again and have money, I can finally afford to take her out like I used to! It had been far too long. All those cute romantic feelings you share with a girlfriend at the start of a relationship came flooding back to me all at once as we did things we used to do, back when things were fresh. It made me feel really good, and further convinced me I am the luckiest person in the whole wide world. Good golly gosh I just love the death out of her ;)

Sometimes, I think I forget how incredibly lucky I am.
When I’m feeling upset, or overwhelmed, or enraged, I will always have someone who is there for me to make me feel better. I take that for granted more than I should. Especially in times like this, where she does whatever it takes to make me feel alright.
I love the death out of you Janine. Thank you for being so understanding. It means more than you know. <3

I have so much going on in my life. I have finals coming up next week, but I’m going to fail one, if not two of my classes for sure. I finally got a job, and now that I do, it’s interfering with everything. I feel like I can’t make people happy anymore, because I’m not always free like I used to be. I have priorities now. I’m trying to move out, and with any luck that will happen. But I’m not getting my hopes up, cause it’s almost definitely not happening. My parents still think I’m going to college next semester, and I don’t know how to tell them I’m not without getting murdered. I have to write lyrics and melodies for a song by Sunday, so I can record it at the studio. I have almost none of that done yet. I’m super stressed out from a whole bunch of various things. I haven’t been able to sleep much lately, and I’m really tired. But I’m fighting sleep cause I’m hoping to see Janine later tonight. I’m thinking that might help the way I’m feeling a bit, but I don’t know. That might not even be happening anymore. My mind wont stop racing about awful things that I can’t get out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I’ve abandoned my family for the most part. Nothing good is on TV right now. I hate how much of a pushover I am. Always giving up everything I want for other people to have what they want. And then expecting the same in return. I get walked over all the time. I don’t know how to speak my mind, and that leaves me feeling weak. I feel like there’s just not enough time anymore to do everything I need to do. Between work, school, Janine, the band, and friends, I have a lot going on. And I don’t always know how to deal with it. I wake up every morning feeling weighed down by everything I have going on. My phone sucks and keeps shutting off on me. But I can’t afford a new one. It just shut off again. Surprise, surprise. I want my life to be more organized. I want to stop being the way I am, cause I hate it. It does nothing but cause fights. Im super hungry. This rant is all over the place and is no particular order. I usually like order, but i could care less right now. I just want everything to work out. I want everything to be okay. I don’t like disappointments in life, but I’m constantly getting disappointed. And I have to do my best to keep all of that hidden deep inside of me. And I feel like I am about to just explode from everything I have ever had to hide.

Maybe I need help.

Why does this always happen?
I hate it.

I’m just in one of those moods where I wanna listen to a bunch of slow, sad, pretty music. This is my current song of choice. Tis beautiful.

OH MY GOD, WHAT?

Oh man, oh man, oh man.

I just got the BIGGEST craving for Slim Jim’s.Somebody should buy me a whole bunch of them and make me the happiest person ever. I just decided if I ever get the opportunity to go on tour one day, I will always be asking fans for Slim Jim’s. And my life will be complete.